When I counsel women for a divorce, if there is physical, mental, or emotional abuse, I don't guilt them and tell them that God hates divorce. They have lived a lifetime of diminished value with......ALLLL.... that is entailed in that abuse, and sometimes they accept it because they know God hates divorce. Let me tell you what else God hates. God hates sin and when a spouse is abusive verbally, that is sin, emotionally, that is sin, physically, that is sin, and sexually, that is sin! If our bodies are the temple and we allow others to sin in our bodies by abusing us, is that not sin itself? Sin to the abuser for their part, and sin to the receiver because they were more afraid of humanity than of God? Does God want us to live in diminished capacity because we have allowed others to tell us what is right and wrong? If we are abused by others and we leave that abuse, or, our abuser tires of his or her game of abusing us and leaves, then, yes, there is divorce and God hates that, however, He hated watching the spouse that He created and loves be abused. He hates, knowing that He created the spouse for more, and yet their voice is silenced because it takes all of the strength they have to just exist another day in abuse. As women, we want things nice and complete. Who's job is that? Who owns the responsibility for a whole complete family? Is it us? NO, it is God. We are commanded to seek God first. That means it doesn't matter how it works out, where there is divorce, or division, or separation, it will be okay because God is there.
Stress creates toxins, chemicals in our body that work to destroy our internal organs. It works against us being physically and mentally healthy. When an abuser abuses us, and, puts in place the chain of effects of stress inside our bodies, is that not sin? What I counsel women going through divorce from abuse is it is okay, you can scream out to God and let Him know you are angry at Him because this life of abuse is so unfair. That you, (I,) trusted, loved all that could be loved, and did everything possible to make this thing work, to make this man love, to keep our family whole and it didn't matter, it couldn't be done enough; fast enough, often enough, or well enough to make that happen. God may gently tell you, "I created you, I created the emotions, your anger is one of them and I will be here when you are not so angry. I love you, and I will forgive you." And, He will watch every tear that you cry and hold it in His hand and return that to you as jewels when you meet Him face to face. God created tears and tears are one of only a few physical changes in our body that will clean the stress toxins out of our bodies. He gave us tears to help us stay healthy.
There are times when both husband and wife living in godliness, allows God's shield to keep the family whole and together, but, not always. And, most often, when only one of the spouses carry the banner of godliness, our enemy gets a foot hold and does what he does best, destroys. He whispers the failure that we accept because we took God's responsibility as our own. We were responsible for keeping the family together and without us, everyone would divide and separate. What if our families learned more about God, His grace, His mercy, and His love because we refused to accept that abuse, left, and lived a godly life after?
What if the church gave our enemy a foothold in society because they refused that grace and mercy to abused spouses and left them in guilt, (what did you do to cause your husband to beat you, or what did you do to cause your husband to cheat on you, and you know God hates divorce,) and shame, feeling incomplete without a spouse? Some, accepted abusive situations because they didn't want to feel like they had failed, that it was their fault the marriage didn't work, or be unacceptable to the church.
We have an enemy who wants to silence our voice, and abuse does just that. It keeps us from loving others that God needs loved. For women, He specifically gave us the capacity to show love, (even when we are not happy,) to others. Then, because we are divorced, the church silences our voice, or, we silence our own because we believe the lie that we can't teach because we are women, or, we are divorced, or, for some other reason. That is why we teach, love, minister, and speak the gospel outside of the church. When Jesus broke the barriers of the day by speaking to the woman at the well, she went out as a missionary and preached the gospel to others and they believed Christ because of her testimony. She couldn't do it in the church, because the church would have never recognized her as a viable model, an acceptable source for knowing God/Christ. But, Jesus didn't think she was unacceptable. He knew that He would give His life specifically for her. And, He did, and, she did. She took the good news to those outside the church, many of whom would never set foot in church and they heard the good news of Jesus Christ. Divorce isn't God's first choice for our life, however, knowing God the way I do, I know that somehow, God will bring honor out of any situation that life sends our way, no matter how hard, He Is Enough, God Needs People That Don't Scare Easily.
