Freedom or Guilt?

When I counsel women for a divorce, if there is physical, mental, or emotional abuse, I don't guilt them and tell them that God hates divorce.  They have lived a lifetime of diminished value with......ALLLL.... that is entailed in that abuse, and sometimes they accept it because they know God hates divorce.  Let me tell you what else God hates.  God hates sin and when a spouse is abusive verbally, that is sin, emotionally, that is sin, physically, that is sin, and sexually, that is sin!  If our bodies are the temple and we allow others to sin in our bodies by abusing us, is that not sin itself?  Sin to the abuser for their part, and sin to the receiver because they were more afraid of humanity than of God?  Does God want us to live in diminished capacity because we have allowed others to tell us what is right and wrong?  If we are abused by others and we leave that abuse, or, our abuser tires of his or her game of abusing us and leaves, then, yes, there is divorce and God hates that, however, He hated watching the spouse that He created and loves be abused.  He hates, knowing that He created the spouse for more, and yet their voice is silenced because it takes all of the strength they have to just exist another day in abuse.  As women, we want things nice and complete.  Who's job is that?  Who owns the responsibility for a whole complete family?  Is it us?  NO, it is God.  We are commanded to seek God first.  That means it doesn't matter how it works out, where there is divorce, or division, or separation, it will be okay because God is there. 

Stress creates toxins, chemicals in our body that work to destroy our internal organs.  It works against us being physically and mentally healthy.  When an abuser abuses us, and, puts in place the chain of effects of stress inside our bodies, is that not sin?  What I counsel women going through divorce from abuse is it is okay, you can scream out to God and let Him know you are angry at Him because this life of abuse is so unfair.  That you, (I,) trusted, loved all that could be loved, and did everything  possible to make this thing work, to make this man love, to keep our family whole and it didn't matter, it couldn't be done enough; fast enough, often enough, or well enough to make that happen.  God may gently tell you, "I created you, I created the emotions, your anger is one of them and I will be here when you are not so angry.  I love you, and I will forgive you."  And, He will watch every tear that you cry and hold it in His hand and return that to you as jewels when you meet Him face to face. God created tears and tears are one of only a few physical changes in our body that will clean the stress toxins out of our bodies.  He gave us tears to help us stay healthy. 

There are times when both husband and wife living in godliness, allows God's shield to keep the family whole and together, but, not always.  And, most often, when only one of the spouses carry the banner of godliness, our enemy gets a foot hold and does what he does best, destroys.  He whispers the failure that we accept because we took God's responsibility as our own.  We were responsible for keeping the family together and without us, everyone would divide and separate.  What if our families learned more about God, His grace, His mercy, and His love because we refused to accept that abuse, left, and lived a godly life after? 

What if the church gave our enemy a foothold in society because they refused that grace and mercy to abused spouses and left them in guilt, (what did you do to cause your husband to beat you, or what did you do to cause your husband to cheat on you, and you know God hates divorce,) and shame, feeling incomplete without a spouse?  Some, accepted abusive situations because they didn't want to feel like they had failed, that it was their fault the marriage didn't work, or be unacceptable to the church. 

We have an enemy who wants to silence our voice, and abuse does just that.  It keeps us from loving others that God needs loved.  For women, He specifically gave us the capacity to show love, (even when we are not happy,) to others. Then, because we are divorced, the church silences our voice, or, we silence our own because we believe the lie that we can't teach because we are women, or, we are divorced, or, for some other reason.  That is why we teach, love, minister, and speak the gospel outside of the church.  When Jesus broke the barriers of the day by speaking to the woman at the well, she went out as a missionary and preached the gospel to others and they believed Christ because of her testimony.  She couldn't do it in the church, because the church would have never recognized her as a viable model, an acceptable source for knowing God/Christ.  But, Jesus didn't think she was unacceptable.  He knew that He would give His life specifically for her.  And, He did, and, she did.  She took the good news to those outside the church, many of whom would never set foot in church and they heard the good news of Jesus Christ.   Divorce isn't God's first choice for our life, however, knowing God the way I do, I know that somehow, God will bring honor out of any situation that life sends our way, no matter how hard, He Is Enough, God Needs People That Don't Scare Easily.   

Fathers Day 2018 



Dad, it’s Father’s Day again without you.  You left us 36 years ago.  I think about you often and the lessons you taught me.  About those talks we had when I was growing up and the wisdom you shared with me.  I remember so much of it now and wish for so much more; wish that I had listened more, asked more questions, and, heard, really heard more.  Even without that, I learned and gained so much from your lessons.  It was your gracious, courageous love that allowed me to see God for the gracious courageous Father that He is. 

I always credited mom with being the barrier breaker in the family.  I now realize that in large part, you were the barrier breaker.  It was you that gave me a baseball mitt for my 5th birthday.  A gift that girls didn’t get in the 50’s.  It was you that taught me how to play baseball.  You were a “south paw” golden glove street boxer growing up and you used that to teach me how to defend myself, to fight back when someone wanted to take advantage of me.  It was you that taught me to defend others, to stand up for the weaker in life, those that couldn’t stand up for themselves.  It was you that taught me to use tools, to work hard and get dirty, to not be afraid of broken things because they could be fixed if we took the time to do that.  It was you that taught me that sometimes you must risk it all for the sake of integrity and honor.  And, I’ll never forget when you told me, “Sometimes, a good man hangs on, even when he doesn’t know what he is hanging on to, or, why, he just hangs on.”  You taught me courage that I didn’t know I had.  You taught me war, and most important, peace and forgiveness.  That true strength was being strong enough to be kind and honest with ourselves and others.  That the strength of quiet confidence was a gift not everyone has.  On this 36th Father’s Day without you Dad, just know that your legacy lives on.  That your family carries it with us, each one of us a piece of you that is a gift to the world, leaving it a better place than we found it.  I can’t wait to see you in Heaven Dad. 

Leaning Into The Fight

Nothing can prepare you for some of the challenges that life sends your way.  How you respond will change your entire life.  I have always been careful with distance, using it as a barrier to prevent some from getting too close and threatening my security.  Now, I understand that as soon as the trial begins I need to lean in!  It is crucial to get closer to the challenge, you must not shy away from that fight.  The only preparation you have is the knowledge that no matter what happens, this is going to hurt, and most likely leave scars.  Don’t let distance squander your energy.  Lean in, move into the challenge and fight with all the courage, presence and faith you have available.  As I saw the tidal wave of grief coming, I said, “Lord, I don’t know how, but I know You and I know somehow You will bring honor out of this.”  He did then for me, and He will for you now.  He is Enough.  God Needs People Who Don’t Scare Easily.      

Every one of us here today has experienced that tidal wave of grief and the resulting scars.  It is what has prepared us, given us the compassion to serve the way we do.  It was Jesus’s scars that allowed many to believe.  It is our scars that will allow some to believe.  Don’t shy away, lean in, it is worth every life you touch.

Chaplain Rachel Donovan Dec 29, 2017

Who Is My Neighbor?

“All I did was clean it mom.”  That’s what my son told me recently when we were talking at one of our visit’s.  And, he was right.  Years earlier we had purchased a hand mixer from a garage sale for $1.00 because I needed one and as the sole provider we were on a tight budget.  When we plugged it in and found it didn’t work, I thought…oh well, at least we didn’t spend a lot of money on it.  Chris asked if he could work on it and I told him, “Sure.”  What would it hurt?  A few grease stains on the carpet later, he plugged it in and….it worked like a charm!!  I didn’t know what he had done at the time and it was years later that he told me that all he had done was clean it.

That is how life is.  We just need to clean it every once in a while.  For me, that happens when I let God wash me in the blood of Christ.  (I did say, when I let Him…..more on that later.)  I build up “gunk,” (that’s a technical term!!)  Gunk sticks to us like….small particles of magnetized coffee grinds stick to the grinder.  It just keeps building up and building up until the grinder, or the mixer, or, our lives just stop working.  We have to make a conscious effort to clean out the gunk.  That happens when we turn to Christ in repentance of not only carrying the gunk around, but, letting it change us.  Letting it make us bitter, letting it flavor our conversation, our attitudes, and our behavior.  And it pulls to us other gunk, everyone else’s gunk!  We are filled with gunk before we know it.   And, life doesn’t work and we don’t know why. 

Repentance is a big word…..actually, a very scary word.  “If I repent, then I can’t do any more gunk!”  We think that it means that we have to make a conscious effort to do all things right.  Well, we do need to make a conscious effort, but, I personally won’t ever do everything right.  I’m not created that way.  I’m created to have an empty spot in my life that can only be filled with Christ….no one, and nothing else fills that void the way my Creator does.  So yes, I make a conscious effort to empty my gunk to allow room for Christ and who He is, letting Him fill the void and wash the gunk and I make a conscious effort to keep my gunk catcher, (another technical term,) clean.  To allow myself to be full of God’s word so that when the worlds gunk, or, my gunk starts attaching itself to me and changing me for the worse, I can recognize it and give my gunk to Christ to be cleansed, to be renewed. 

Only then can I love others, including those who have crushed me with their words or actions.  Only then, can I be free enough to care without barriers and without caution.  To freely give grace and freely love those that Christ loves, my……neighbor.  The attorney asked Christ….”Who is my neighbor?”  Christ answered with the parable of the good Samaritan who helped a stranger that had been beat up and robbed and left on the side of the road.  The Priest and the Levite crossed to the other side….they are the ones that judge, that condemn, that are arrogant in their rightness.  They are the ones who feel it is their job to call out the wrong in others.  To crucify others publicly.  One day we will all stand before God and He may ask about certain events, but, He already knows who we are, where our hearts were at that time and He will judge righteously. 

For me, I will continue to repent, to get washed, to clear off the gunk and I will continue to do those things that I know to be right.  To let God take care of the injustice, allowing me to love and give grace freely.  Christ answered, “He who showed mercy on him.”  To those who have ears to hear.  (Luke 10:29 – 37)

Daniel 4:8 Correcting the boss, or not.  Faithfulness in the workplace.

Daniel was called Belshazzar by Nebuchadnezzar.  He knew that his given name was Daniel, yet, he did not disrespect the king's title for him.  The king called him by the name of his god, and his title was, "Chief of the magicians,” In today's world we would take exception to that.  We would have corrected the king as to our correct name, and, we would have corrected him to let him know that we weren't magicians.  In fact we want our precise name and title to be given, we want to be honored for who we are, and yet Daniel was promoted by God because of his humility and his respect for the king’s authority.  Daniel may not have liked living where he was, being titled as he was, and being re-named as he was, but, he honored God by living in exactly those surroundings he was uncomfortable in, respecting the king, and doing the best he could at his job.  This is a huge step of faith.  To know God so well that it doesn't matter what we are called, what we are titled, and who has authority over us lets those around us know our God and His great love for us.    

It was because of Daniels faithfulness to both God and then the king that he flourished.  He didn't alert God as to how God was wrong in placing a devout Jew in a secular environment.  He didn't spend his days trying to escape his bonds and work.  He honored the king with his faithfulness and in so doing, honored God.  I want to model this life ethic.  In so doing, it would flow down to the rest of my life at home, in society, everywhere.  I wouldn't have to give my increase or promotion a second thought.  Because I was honoring God, I know He would take care of that.   

Welcome to America

During a recent business transaction, I had the good fortune to meet a refugee from Cuba.  My client was beautiful in appearance and mannerisms.   Her language to her daughter reflected a refined element not often heard in our country.  Even though she was not regarded as elite in our country, she carried dignity in her actions. 

As we talked, I found out that she had come to the US under the “one dry foot,” asylum policy, meaning that all the refugee’s had to do was get one dry foot onto US soil and they were given asylum.  When they landed in Florida, she immediately went to Catholic Charities who placed her in our neighborhood. 

When I asked how long it had taken her to find work, she told me it had taken her two weeks.  “Two weeks I said, that is not long at all, how did you find work so fast?”  She said, “In Cuba, I was a doctor with a full medical education, here, they don’t recognize my education so I must start over.”  “So, I went to an employment agency and they asked me, “What do you do, what do you have training in.”  “I told them, what do you need?  If you have dishes that need to be done, I’m a dishwasher, if you have floors that need to be cleaned, I’m a custodian, whatever you need done, I will do it.”

What an incredible attitude!  We struggle here with our rights, and will not work beneath what we feel we are worth.  We insist on our employers making us comfortable, giving us the benefits we deserve, respecting us, and making sure our “rights” are not violated or infringed on.  Yet, less than five decades ago, that work ethic was common, even standard for employees.   God uses others coming into our lives to rub off the rough edges, to remind us of higher standards, to bring us back to a memory of ethics and character.  Thank you my friend from Cuba.  Welcome to America where you have already started to improve us with your attitude and your presence.